


dinner with goth mom

by pandabrite



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Just having dinner with a goddess no big deal, M/M, One Shot, post story, taakitz, this is pretty silly but there are some sweet moments in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabrite/pseuds/pandabrite
Summary: the raven queen insists on meeting the only member of her family she hasn't yet. kravitz stresses. taako outdoes himself. the raven queen makes one hell of an entrance.





	dinner with goth mom

**Author's Note:**

> chugging right along into day 5 of my taz nanowrimo prompts~ i wanted to be a little more lighthearted with this one since my last ones have been kinda heavy handed emotionally. the list of prompts i'm following is, of course, from tumblr user lucretia-the-director. today's prompt was [ Meeting for the first time. ]

“Hey, Taako-- Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure, _shoot_.” 

Taako didn’t look up from what he was doing. He was hunkered over the kitchen counter, tongue between his teeth, a knife pressed against the skin of an apple-- it looked like he was rolling the fruit on the counter, cutting paper thin slivers off of it in a spiral. 

Kravitz was kind of glad for that, to be honest. Because if he looked how he felt, then Taako would _immediately_ know that something was up… That elf, for someone who was quite keen on only paying attention to his own feelings, was _almost terrifyingly_ able to pick up on his emotional state at pretty much any given time. And right now? He was nervous.

Nervous as fuck.

“Erm,” Kravitz hesitated, tugging on his collar a bit, “... Well…”

“I ain’t gettin’ any younger over here,” Taako goaded lightly, “this-... this here favor window is closing quick.”

“ _Come off it_ ,” Kravitz laughed under his breath, “I was going to ask you, um… Do you think you could make us a really _killer_ spread tonight?” He flinched at his own words-- not the best verbiage for what he was asking, he guessed, but…

It was _supposed_ to be a surprise.

Taako finally hesitated in his cutting, a brow cocked as he straightened up and turned to face Kravitz, “Um… Like I don’t always? I’m not really picking up what you’re putting down.”

“Oh, no, I know… you _definitely_ do…” But as soon as Taako laid eyes on him, he felt _incredibly_ scrutinized. 

Taako had leaned back against the counter, arms crossed, knife hanging languidly from thin fingers… and he was regarding him rather shrewdly, “What’s eatin’ you?”

“Haha, nothing, kind of top of the food chain, yeah?”

Taako snorted, “ _Moooooooooost of the time._ ” Aaaaaand, he winked. And Kravitz felt an unusual amount of heat wash his cheeks.

“Okay, _you_ , listen. Not right now, first of all, second of all… I guess more what I’m asking is…” And he looked away, feeling a bit weighed down by Taako’s intense stare, “could you-- could you make us a meal tonight fit for a _king_..?” 

Silence hung on the air for a minute… Taako seemed to be considering Kravitz’s request, bobbing the knife in his hand up and down as he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Something didn’t sit right. Why did Kravitz look like he could… like… transcend to another reality right now? He was distracted and fidgety… and was practically OOZING nerves… He was never that nervous. Kravitz had something huge on his mind… But what..? What..?

And then it clicked. _Oh shit._

Taako almost dropped the knife. He fumbled for a second, catching it in midair, eyes wide…

“Woah-- _Taako_ \--” Kravitz had jerked a little forward as soon as he’d sensed the blade leave Taako’s hands… but he had righted himself already and… oh god, he had that _look_ on his face.

Like a cat that had caught a bird, Taako’s smirk spread across his face like wildfire… “Oh… Like-- A spread fit for a _Queen~_?”

Kravitz _blanched_. He stammered a bit in response, and Taako sunk his teeth in. Got ‘im.

“Oh _shit,_ ,” Taako pressed a hand against his own cheek, “you’re for real. You-- shit-- you’re really for real!”

“Taako, listen to me, this is… This is really kind of serious--”

“No, I--” Taako looked almost affronted, but it was washed quite promptly away by his excitement, “I totally got it, my man, you think I’m not going to take this _seriously_ ~?”

“It's a big deal. It really is! Maybe the biggest deal ever. It's-- she-- okay, you got me red handed… but this is really intense, I-- and _maybe_ against my better judgement, really,” the last part was a mutter, and he glanced away from Taako, who was _beaming._

“Look,” Taako wandered closer to Kravitz, bobbing that knife up and down idly, “like I don’t know how to throw a shin-dig. What’re you so worried about?”

“Well, let me just say, I’m not worried about your proficiency for throwing parties and for cooking, that’s for certain. You’ve got that under control. Don’t… Don’t misunderstand me, Taako…”

“So, honestly, nothing to worry about then, yeah~?”

“There’s going to be a literal Goddess in our kitchen tonight. Yet you’re so… _unaffected_ ,” Kravitz would sound exasperated if he weren’t more… bemused by just how nonchalant Taako was about the whole thing.

“I’ve met a Goddess before,” Taako blandly pointed out, “Plus, I mean, my _fucking sister_ works the same job you do. Like, cool, I get to entertain R.Q., which is _excellent_ , but, like, I’m not a stranger to really, you know, _any_ of this.” He pointed the knife in his hand at Kravitz, almost touching the collar of his shirt with it.

Kravitz swallowed, eyeing Taako and then that knife… ugh, he pushed his hand and said blade away with a casual movement of his arm, “ _I said not right now_. Tease.”

Taako bit his tongue and winked, though he allowed him to move his hand. He twirled the handle of the knife in his fingers as he took a couple of steps back away from him. He deposited it on the counter and leaned against it again. 

The reaper cleared his throat, “I… I understand you’re not worried but-- I… I suppose it just stresses _me_ out. I’m not--” he hesitated, “As I said, it’s against my better judgement. She’s assuming a corporeal form to visit us. The space of the dining room will have to be altered to accommodate her. She… wants to meet you, and to try your… cooking. Says it’s the first time she’s eaten in eons…”

“You know you’ve got it when a _l.i.t.e.r.a.l._ Goddess is chompin at the bit,” he sounded quite full of himself, which caused Kravitz to smile, despite himself.

“Listen, you- we- _I’ve_ got this. Don’t get yourself all fucked up over it,” Taako winked, “so I’ll… I’ll take care of business here. I’ve got untiiiiiillll… when, Sweets?”

Kravitz pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath-- Taako was right. Right? He was making this much more harrowing than it needed to be. _He_ wasn’t worried, and he was the mortal who was about to meet the Raven Queen herself… A literal Goddess in the flesh. The Goddess over the natural order of life and death… It wasn’t like Kravitz didn’t see her all the time… So it was nothing new for _him_... but… Taako...

“About 7pm… I’m going to the Astral Plane for a while… I’ll be here around the same time she is…” He seemed anxious again at the thought, and of course Taako picked up on it…

“Cool it, it’ll be flawless,” And before Kravitz could react, Taako had cleared the space between them and nabbed his chin-- and he pressed a big smooch right on his lips, drawing away after a moment with a Cheshire grin.

“Gonna be late. Boss’ll be pissed, huh?”

“Pffffffffffff…” Kravitz put a hand on the side of Taako’s head and pushed him a little, “I know I might be pissing in the wind here but… Maybe don’t go too _too_ overboard?”

“Sure, sure. I got it.”

“I don’t really believe you, but I guess I do trust you… I’ll… I’ll see you tonight, love… I-- I am sorry for being so antsy. I can’t wait to see what you come up with, okay..?” Kravitz looked a lot less stressed and a lot more sincere-- he... Fuck, he didn’t know why he was so worried. 

It was a big deal. It was. The Raven Queen was perhaps stepping some bounds by wanting to meet a mortal, though he did understand that Taako was a bit of a fringe case in that he was already so involved with, well, everything that had to do with the Astral Plane and her work and… his closest family members were all fucking Grim Reapers too, eh..? And he was… kind of involved romantically with an aspect of her own being…

“Oi, you’re worrying again,” Taako scolded, “you got that scrunched up worry face.” 

“Sorry- Sorry… I’ll-- I’ll see you tonight, babe.”

“Adios~ Drive safe~”

Kravitz just kind of… stared at Taako in a bemused state for a moment, before a deft hand produced his scythe and he tore through the fabric of time and space itself and… was gone.

And Taako fucking grasped his own face as soon as he was gone, “Oh _fuck._ ” 

Holy shit. 

He was-- like, Taako was pro at throwing dinner soirees, natch, but… this was-- this was like some next level stuff. He had to really nail this, right? He had to really knock it out of the park. 

He was sort of freaking out? But he’d saved that for when Kravitz wasn’t in the room _also_ freaking out, and really honestly because freaking out was best done alone, where no one could ever know anything about it. 

The elf paced the kitchen, eyeing ingredients, brainstorming recipes and spreads and flavor combinations and fuck, of course he’d have to head out to do some shopping… But, fuck, he’d been in the middle of making something when Kravitz inadvertently dropped this bombshell on him, hadn’t he..?

Taako gazed at the slivers of apple he’d been cutting and he tisked-- he’d finish the apple tarts he’d been about to bake and then he’d bounce so that he could get the rest of what he needed. 

And he needed a lot. Oh, he needed _a lot._ There was a spark of inspiration in his brain, and it wasn’t gonna rest until it was seen perfectly executed.

It was a busy evening for the both of them, but Taako… Taako had _really_ busted his ass. 

When Kravitz arrived home at around 6:50pm, he was… nervous, excited, and just… all sorts of just jacked up on his anxiety about the whole thing… but he was eager to see what Taako had done, what he’d cooked up in anticipation of their guest… God, not just their guest, fucking… The Raven Queen in the flesh, well, in a flesh shell more like...

Kravitz materialized just outside the dining room… and immediately he could _smell_ the spread. He… Fuck, he knew Taako had done perfectly. Of course he had. It was Taako. He didn’t know how to do anything that involved cooking or entertaining in an imperfect way. He knew he didn’t need to worry. He knew this was going to be fine. It was going to be fine.

So he opened the room to the dining room and-- … he froze.

“... _Taako…_ ”

He guessed that ‘too overboard’ was sort of a relative statement. What was too overboard for Taako was probably different than what was too overboard for Kravitz. And they were both pretty arguably over the top people… but… This...

This… was… like, the one of the most overboard scenes he’d seen in his entire life.

Their dining room table was covered in a spread that looked like it could feed about forty people, much less _three._ Inky black candles lit with blue flame were placed at various intervals on the gloss oak surface, and some hovered in the air nearer to the ceiling, casting the room in an eerie wash of cool light… there was a huge, intricate vase full of black and deep purple roses which were scattered with dark feathers that seemed to shimmer like the night sky in the dancing light of the blue flamed candles…

And on the table amongst the decor was a spread of food so fucking massive that it seemed like it might cave in underneath it. There was braised beef, roasted asparagus, shallots in white wine, a salad of the most colorful greens and berries, sliced bread and apple jam, apple tarts with delicately crafted rose shaped slivers of apple baked into the top...

And Taako wandered in, carrying one last platter of dessert to add to the already massive amount spread upon the table… 

“... Taako…”

“That’s my name, home boy, don’t wear it out,” he flashed a smile, bemused by Kravitz’s stunned expression…

Which he now wore because the only thing more extra than the spread on the table was the _outfit_ Taako was wearing. 

In he had waltzed in a pair of black, low heeled, thigh high boots with white trousers tucked within… a long sleeve, high neck, dark shirt that hung just past his waist, but was cut much higher in the front, showing just a peek of tan stomach over the high cut pants… A shimmering, silver raven’s skull dangled upon his chest, and his hair was pulled into a magnificent and delicately woven, braided updo, and… adorned with two sleek, black raven’s feathers…

Kravitz’s eyes darted over Taako’s face, his body, and then lingered on his stomach… that fuckin’ scandalous peek of tummy. Of course he did. He was a professional fucking tease.

In Taako’s hands was a tray of small, red-velvet cakes… each cake was dusted in confectioners sugar, and a small, hand made sugar feather peeked out of all of them…

“Well~ Slam dunk, right~?”

“I- Taako- It’s… it’s a lot.”

“I _know_ ~” Taako seemed so fucking pleased with himself that… it was hard to be… anything short of enamored, really… Kravitz softened his expression, sighing...

“It is. I can tell you really busted your chops on this…” And as soon as Taako sat that tray of ridiculously fancy cakes down, Kravitz had swept him up by the waist, and was laying down smooches all over his face.

“Oi oi oi oi oi, I just got coiffed!” Taako was only half-serious as he pushed at his chest to try and get him off of him. Kravitz refused for a moment, and they wrestled there for a bit before he finally released him and shoved him playfully away.

Taako straightened his hair and huffed, but he was smiling all the same… and though his relaxed posture gave nothing away, he was… nervous…

And he kind of hated it. Nerves and Taako didn’t quite vibe. It required a front, which he wore well, but… still, the knots of anxiety in his stomach didn’t do much for him, really. He wasn’t even sure really what he was nervous about..? This would be fine, yeah? 

Like meeting the in-laws for the first time.

Taako was about to speak when he was interrupted by… the candles on the table flickering. He froze, mouth open… and then he recollected, “Was--”

“Mm, yeah,” Kravitz gazed around the room, tugging his collar, “she’s had to adjust the space to suit the needs of her form. It might feel a bit strange for you at first. I apologize for that…”

“M’used to strange feeling things, so, no big.” He sidled closer to Kravitz, nudging himself against his side, prompting him to coil an arm around his waist… 

“Taako... tell me you didn’t say that and then get all up on me on purpose?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Before Kravitz could retort, before either of them could even think another thought, the air in the room seemed to freeze over. For the briefest moment, the candles ceased in flickering, everything around them seemed to be suspended in motion… except for themselves…

And just as Taako was beginning to take in what was happening, the ceiling seemed to simply burst into flames. A ring of bright purple fire formed, heralded by a gust of terrible wind, wind that felt as though it carried death itself with it… which… well, it _kinda_ did. The circle burned and widened before a form descended from within, a mass swathed in glistening black feathers…

While Taako was enthralled by the display, Kravitz was… well, he had a furrowed brow, and a set of fingers pinched his nose… Extra. Why was he surprised? It… he shouldn’t have been. He shouldn’t have worried about it about any of this being too extra. They were all a big gaggle of extra motherfuckers, weren’t they?

Before them, the Raven Queen was assembling her form. The mass of feathers rustled and quivered, before parting, falling away to the floor, where they disintegrated into nothing… there, in their wake, was the form of a woman. She wore a great feathered cloak, and her features were sharp, dark, a wild eyed, red stare focused on Taako, on Kravitz… 

And she opened her mouth to speak… and out of it came the most horrible sound that Taako had ever heard in his entire life.

He jerked back against Kravitz with a start, who had already thrown his hands up to cover his ears… It was a screeching noise that was inhuman, no sound that any mortal needed to hear, a sound that if continued would tear him apart from the inside out.

And the Raven Queen faltered a bit, her hands darting up to cover her mouth, “A… ah-- ahem… ahem--” She cleared her throat a few times, opening and closing her mouth a bit, “A… hm… ahm…”

“Ah… there we are, there we go, that’s the one,” and her voice settled from a raspy, dangerous growl into a much lighter, feminine and… very very cockney accent, “sorry for that, not… not really used to speaking with mortal ears in mind. Don’t really have anyone to practice on…”

Taako pushed himself off of Kravitz immediately--

“ _Hell yeah!_ ” And he looked fucking smitten as all get out, “Now-- listen, now that was an entrance.”

She seemed quite chuffed and a smile graced her lips, “Mm, thank you, Taako.” And she extended a hand toward the elf, who eagerly took it--

But instead of shaking it, she grasped it in both of her own hands, and turned his over in them, feeling his skin… it felt, damn, it was bizarre to _feel_ a living being. To feel the softness of his skin, his warmth...

Kravitz watched this bizarre exchange and… cleared his throat a little.

The Raven Queen jerked with a start, looking a bit abashed, “Haha, oops, little weird, that there, huh? Sorry, it’s just… I haven’t taken a form that can feel things in… well, quite a bit, you see…” She smiled and shrugged.

“I mean if that’s how you do, that’s how you do, I- far be it from me to judge you,” Taako placed a hand on his own chest and shook his head, “Little bizarre but if that’s where you’re at right now, R.Q., can’t fault you for that.”

Kravitz face-palmed in the background… but the Goddess before them only chuckled in amusement.

“Well, thank you, Taako, for being so understanding.” And she bowed her head a bit, before also nodding at Kravitz, “Thank you both for having me, I suppose… niceties and all that, right? It’s… it’s a little small, this room… I’m sort of used to the vast and eternal expanse of the Astral Plane… oh, but you know that already, right? You’ve visited, I remember…”

“Yeah, real spooky, for sure.” Taako waved a hand, and the Raven Queen chuckled, “Great place to visit but wouldn’t wanna live there, kind of deal.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that… I’m sure it also won’t be the last...” She seemed amused, though she bit her tongue on her next comment that, well, everyone kind of lived there in the end, didn’t they? Not the time or place for that, she figured.

So instead, she turned her attention to the spread of food, to the decorations, to… well, the obvious effort Taako had put into the meal he’d presented, “You’re quite the showman. This all looks immaculate. It’s been so long since I’ve consumed food, and I’ve heard so much from your sister about your cooking, you know.”

“Well, why talk about it when you can _eeeeeexperience_ the magic huh?” Taako wiggled his fingers at the table, and she nodded.

“Very true. I’m not sure how long I can maintain this form here without it being a danger to your fragile, mortal soul, so I guess we oughta get into this nosh, huh?” 

Kravitz approached as they spoke, grabbing up a bottle of wine Taako had set out on a drink tray, “I think that’s probably in our best interest. I’d be out of sorts if having you for dinner killed my husband-to-be.”

“Haha, not a fan of a good dinner murder mystery?” She winked, and Kravitz groaned.

“It’s not a mystery if you literally just kill him.”

Taako grabbed up some plates for the three of them, nose wrinkled a bit, “Y’know, great dinner conversation, really enjoy the casual discussion of my, uh, potential annihilation.” 

“Very improbable annihilation!” The Raven Queen pointed out as she carefully pulled out a chair and then gracefully seated herself, “But entirely possible, I guess.”

“It’s possible.” Kravitz agreed pouring them all a glass of wine. 

And the dinner was much easier than any of them expected. Taako had a touch too much to drink, and was telling wild tales of his adventures, perhaps embellishing here and there, but… The Raven Queen listened patiently, watching and assessing him as he spoke.

She, of course, knew most of this story already. She and Kravitz shared a bond that allowed her knowledge of these things through him, though she was very careful to allow him privacy to live a life of his own will… But she hadn’t seen him speak, watched him move, watched the careful way he acted out his gestures…

A bit of a faker, he was. He and his sister were very similar, but also vastly different. 

But she couldn’t help but notice the way Kravitz watched Taako speak, as well. She had known him for so long, she had given him this gift of immortality, after all… but she had never seen him regard another creature with such softness and fondness…

It was, well… it was what she came to see. 

To meet the last member of the small family she’d formed beneath her wings in the flesh. Perhaps she was entirely too soft these days, but… Their energy was contagious, and this elf was no exception… he fit right in along with the rest of them, she decided… Because of course he did. 

When dinner was done, she rose from her seat and made a motion toward their third bottle of wine… Kravitz passed it to her, and she topped off all of their glasses before lifting her own, “... Hmmmm~ I haven’t toasted anything except hides in a long while… lemme see--” She pursed her lips, gazing from Kravitz to Taako…

“... to family.” And she lifted her glass.

Taako snorted… and Kravitz… hesitated for a moment, eyeing her cautiously… family..? Did she really…? See Taako as _family?_

… “To… a weird, but… kind of perfect family.” He finally spoke, lifting his glass as well, and clicked it against hers…

“To my bomb ass, hella goth mother-in-law~” Taako roughly clicked his glass with the both of them, and Kravitz sort of felt himself _die_ inside, which was a lot for a guy who was already undead--

But the Raven Queen just laughed, and she laughed, and she had to put her glass down so she didn’t drop it, she was laughing so hard.

“A-h-hh… ah… Taako, _dearest_ Taako. I’ll carry that title proudly, alright?” She smiled, a warm smile that seemed almost out of place on her dangerous features, “... thank you for giving Kravitz a reason to smile again, hm?”

The reaper faltered a bit, almost dropping his own glass as she spoke-- Okay, well, way to make it super mushy. Sure, he was a mushy guy, but he liked to maintain some semblance of control over his own mushiness, thank you very much.

“Sure,” was Taako’s only response, but he… was grinning to himself. 

“Well, I think-- hm, I think this form will be abandoning me soon. I’d best not assume my true form here, or… well… I would hope you have a good life insurance and, I guess home insurance policy…” She stood from her seat, nodding to both of them, “It was delicious, Taako… And Kravitz, thank you for begrudgingly allowing my visit, hm~?”

“... Of course, my Queen,” though, he did grit his teeth a little-- the initial conversation had been less him allowing, and her insisting…

“Hey, _mi casa es su casa_ ~” Taako gave her a set of finger guns over the table, and she gave a bemused chuckle…

She nodded to each of them, “See you tomorrow, Kravitz. Boss lady will be _mighty_ peeved if you’re late.” And she winked, before her arms lifted and with a crack of energy that threw several plates on the table to the side, she vanished.

And the air in the room settled, and the energy in the room returned slowly to normal… 

It took a while to clean up after the mess… and Kravitz did it on his own. Taako was a touch too drunk to help, and he ended up carrying him out of the room and to their bed… He laid him down, watching his snoring, now _drooling_ face… and he smiled, huffing a sigh of contentment as he knelt, and pressed his lips Taako’s forehead fondly.

“I love you.”

Taako shifted, sniffing a bit, “s’gay…”

“Yeah, sure is…” 

And Kravitz stood, stroking Taako’s bangs away from his face before he turned to head out of the room to finish cleaning up the mess downstairs… but before he could get through the door, Taako spoke.

“... Kravitz?”

He paused, glancing back… Taako had rolled to face him, cheek tucked halfway into the pillow, though one eye lingered on his face.

“... Love you too.”

“... get some sleep, love.” And as Kravitz left the room, he smiled… He guessed he really did have a pretty good reason to smile nowadays.


End file.
